Sotto wo Onna
by Fukushuu
Summary: Basically, it's weird, but only 'cause I wrote it. One of my only serious ficcies. Please enjoy! ^_^
1. Life

(A/N: Unfortunately, Italics don't work. Slashes will substitute for them.  
  
Help me.)  
  
"Sotto wo Onna" by: Fukushuu  
  
Chapter One: Discovery  
  
After the Cell "Games", and a few years of freedom to do what I wanted, I decided that I didn't want to do anything./ever/. Bulma and Vegeta now had a son.a great kid who decided to come into their lives and ruin everything for me! I've turned a lot of my anger onto that kid, knowing that it won't affect him. He's cute, though. .I only wish that he could have been /mine/.  
  
Trying to take my own life was the easiest thing I've ever done.much easier than deciding to /do/ it. That took a long time. I went for weeks with nothing to eat, feeling lonely, depressed, and wondering why. And then it hit me (almost literally, as I was so weak from hunger and fell down the stairs).it was time to just finish it all. I almost laughed aloud, in a crumpled heap at the bottom of the stairs, realizing that it was all so simple!  
  
I didn't know how to do it, but I'd read enough in the papers, and seen those weird soaps in TV, that I assumed that a knife was all it would take. And it did.  
  
Tien-shin-han found me, soaked in my own, crimson-tinted blood, a knife a couple of feet away. I guess that I blacked out while standing up, and tossed the dumb thing to the side. He didn't know what to do, never exposed to this kind of thing before, but he wrapped my wrists in his soft T-shirt, and waited for someone to come. What did Tien know of ambulances and police, and paramedics?! I bet he's never even used a /phone/ before! But he waited, breathing into me with his mouth over mine, waiting.waiting.  
  
After telling me to live, he explained /how/. "Give yourself something to do," he had said, watching me eat a good, healthy meal for the first time in weeks. "I dunno.take up baseball again. Or become a driver's education teacher!" I smiled at the thought of Goku trying to drive, with me in the passenger's side, begging him to slow down. He smiled too, watching me, believing that I would listen. "Okay?"  
  
I licked some soup away from my upper-lip before answering. "Yeah," I said, no heart or meaning in my voice at all.  
  
He gave me a stern look. "I'm not joking, Yamucha. I don't want to have to come back here and, you know," he blushed. "Give life back to you./that/ way."  
  
I stopped laughing long enough to realize that I /had/ been laughing.here, with someone else for the first time in weeks! My lungs felt energized, ready to breathe again, and my face wrinkled into that happy way.almost like a baby's would. There were almost tears.  
  
"You spilled your soup," commented Tien, passing me a paper napkin. "Man .I hate having to be so delicate with you. .I think you'll pass out again, or something."  
  
"Thanks, Tien," I said, wishing that his tastes in soups didn't involve so much damn /meat/. I struggled to swallow some chunky piece of something, while Tien yawned, making me quickly realize what time it was. "Sorry to keep you up so late."  
  
He shrugged. "When I sensed you, it didn't really occur to me to check the time. I wasn't going to wait until a decent time in the morning." He smiled. "But, you know, you could have picked a better time!"  
  
I smiled back. "Yeah." I looked around the kitchen, back to my bedroom. "I'm going to get some sleep," I claimed, getting up and putting the half- full bowl in the sink for tomorrow. He shot me a look that clearly stated: /You'd better not try anything/. I looked back, wanting to hug him suddenly. "Don't worry. I'm so exhausted, I don't think I'll be able to move in the morning."  
  
"Just to make sure, I'll stay." He tossed himself elegantly onto my plain, beige couch.  
  
"What about Chiaotzu?"  
  
"No one's likely to find him, buried in the mountains the way he is. He'll be fine."  
  
I nodded, and lay down gently onto my bed, soaking in the fresh smells of.Tien. Tien had been sitting on my bed, waiting for me to regain consciousness. I rolled onto my stomach, breathing in his crisp, snowy scent, running my hand over the covers. 'So, this is what a guardian angel smells like,' I thought, closing my eyes, crossing into the world of sleep and awareness,  
  
And my last conscious thought? /I have found mine.. / 


	2. Awakening

(A/N: Disclaimer: I don't own DBZ, or any of the senshi.though I wish I did. (As I'm sure we all do!) I do, however, own the love of Tien and Yamucha! Mine! Mine! MINE! (I forgot to write this in the first chapter. gomen nasai! T_T )  
  
Oh, and one thing before I continue: this was so horribly boring for me to write, all alone in my room. so I decided to cause some mischief.don't ask. So, read on, and be patient for better chapters. I'm still writing, and I'm trying to keep my stories pure (a difficult task, as my mind persists in trying to release a flood of yaoi-ness. I'm trying to restrain them! Only shounen-ai should emerge!). Also, because italics don't work for me (Why? WHY?!), I'll use slashes before and after the word or phrase that's supposed to be italicized.)  
  
"Sotto wo Onna"  
  
Chapter 2: Awakening  
  
When I wake up, I can't help but to feel grateful for the sunlight that so rudely penetrates my eyelids. I'm alive, and there's someone in the next room who actually /cares/ that I'm alive. I glance at the green shirt still wrapped around my wrists. As I unwind it, I struggle to keep my sounds of pain down, my skin being pulled away with the garment. I realize that it's been ripped in half to cover them, so I remind myself to let Tien borrow something of mine.  
  
I stretch, cracking as many bones in my spine as possible. 'If Tien hasn't woken up yet, the noise will do it,' I think, looking down at my pillows.  
  
There's a wet spot on them. I put a finger to my eyes, expecting to feel puffiness from crying. 'Do I cry in my sleep?' No, it's from my hair, which hasn't been washed in over a week. The rest of me hasn't either, for that matter. I blush, suddenly, remembering that Tien performed CPR on me. my disgusting, sweaty self.  
  
I rip the sheets off the bed, gather them into a ball, and make the journey to the laundry room. To get there, I pass through the living room, where Tien is still sleeping. One of his long arms is hanging over the edge of the bed, the other clutching a blanket he's managed to find among this mess. His nose is whistling. I smile. 'Maybe that's what woke me up.' I shrug. maybe.  
  
I toss the sheets and pillowcases into the wash, and go back into my room to air out my pillows and mattress. I lift them easily, balancing the pillows on my head. I place them just outside the back door, and prepare my bath.  
  
I strip off my clothing and turn on the showerhead, glad that I bought the separate water system so I can bathe and do the laundry at the same time. The second the water touches me, it feels like I'm still clothed. I look down. /no/. I'm undressed. I realize that the sweat and grime that's been building up for the past week has clamped onto me like another set of clothes. Soap quickly takes care of that. As I scrub my face, I notice that there's /fuzz/ on my chin and upper-lip.  
  
Eew.  
  
Ah, well, that can be dealt with later.  
  
Mmm. apple-scented shampoo. my favourite; that washes away the gunk and filth embedded onto my skull.  
  
I pause in my scouring and remember: /it was Bulma's favourite scent, too./ I rinse the offending stuff off and start over with a plain, gross-smelling salon kind. The falseness in its scent bothers me, but not as much as a reminder of /her./  
  
I'm done. It's time to relax. I find my tape player where I last left it: beside the bathtub. "What's in it?" I ask aloud, speaking rhetorically. Some old tape I bought about a year ago.  
  
I get into the tub; its boiling hot water burning off any bacteria that the soap misses. I chuckle to myself thinking: 'My ass is on fire.' I push "play" on the cassette player. "I'm Too Sexy" comes on.  
  
There seems to be a theme today.  
  
~*~  
  
"I'm a model. you know what I mean!  
  
And I do my little turn on the catwalk!"  
  
That's what /I/ wake up to. That stupid song is coming from the bathroom. Yamucha's in there, singing to the translated version.  
  
I remember the fact that I'm shirtless when I wake up. I give a mental shrug. It doesn't matter.  
  
My stomach growls. /Breakfast/ is what matters right now.  
  
The dishes haven't been cleaned or used yet, so I assume he hasn't eaten. I wash them, and get breakfast ready. His fridge is practically empty except for eggs.  
  
Eggs it is, then.  
  
Does Yamucha have no /vegetables?/ There's so much damn /protein/ at his place!  
  
He's still in the bathroom when I've finished. that dumb song is over, though.  
  
/THANK KAMI./  
  
I'm reminded suddenly of our training with Kami. It was the most boring experience I've /ever/ encountered. /we learned NO new attacks!/ Chiaotzu complained in private to me. He was probably the most disappointed of the five of us.  
  
/Chiaotzu./ I reach out to him with my mind, the amount of land I have to cover not an obstacle. He's awake now, too. I can tell he's glad to hear from me.  
  
'*Is Yamucha all right?*' he asks, concerned.  
  
'*He's fine,*' I tell him. '*Listen, Chiaotzu, I want you to start heading over to Muten-Roshi's house now, okay?*'  
  
'*Oh, but I wanted to stay with you,*' he sulks. '*And Muten-Roshi is really. you know. /hentai-oriented./*'  
  
I smile. '*Don't worry. Just stay away from that room this time, okay? And tell him what's going on with Yamucha. He'll understand.*'  
  
'*Oh, /fine./ If you say so, Tien.*'  
  
'*I insist.*'  
  
The link is broken, and I warm up the eggs again in my energy-filled hands. 'What's taking him so long?'  
  
My mind instantly grabs a hold of the most reasonable explanation: /attempt number two./ 


	3. Intrusion

"Sotto wo Onna"  
  
Chapter 3: Intrusion  
  
I rush out of the kitchen, giving myself a mental beating for not realizing it sooner. I pray that I'm wrong.  
  
I knock on the bathroom door. "Yamucha!" I call loudly. "Yamucha! Are you okay?!"  
  
/No answer./  
  
I try again. Still nothing.  
  
'Okay, that's it..'  
  
I give a psychic blow to the door. I race inside. The music's still playing. but the tub's empty..  
  
"NANI?!" Yamucha yells from the sink. He has a razor in his hand, and I swear that it looks like he's going to kill /me/ with it instead of himself. "Get out!" he screams, already creating an energy ball in his free hand.  
  
"Gomen nasai!" I shout, slamming what's left of the door behind me. I attempt to get my pulse under control, breathing in and out slowly.  
  
I blush abruptly.  
  
He had been /naked./  
  
  
  
I struggle to calm my anger. The energy ball I created wasn't really made by me. I guess it had been built up over the years. I hadn't used energy attacks for such a /long/ time. /This/ one was created because of surprise, anger, and embarrassment.  
  
I become aware of the razor still in my right hand. I begin to laugh unexpectedly as I put it back on the counter. I had /scared/ him. /Tien!/ With all of his power and speed, he was scared off by this little thing! I know that the first thing that made him panic wasn't the power ball. he had seen the shaver first.  
  
I violently shake my head to dry out my hair. Waiting for the instant dizziness to subside, I close my eyes and picture his face from just a moment ago. It's much more comical to think of now that he's not in the bathroom.  
  
I'll have to apologize to him later.  
  
At least there's some benefits to not bathing for a while: your wardrobe stays clean while you're not wearing anything from it. I select a white undershirt and a deep lime-green top along with a pair of light-blue jeans. I choose a white T-shirt for Tien.  
  
My hair has grown out again in the last while. I need to get my bangs cut back, but I like wearing the rest of it in a ponytail. Puar usually helped me get that massive mass of hair that I used to have under control. But, right now, it's not /to/ long, just a couple of centimeters at the back.  
  
I look good.  
  
I remind myself to go back to Kame-sennin's house and pick Puar up. She was worried about me when I told her to stay there. Besides, it'll be good to see the old man and Kuririn's family again.  
  
Once dressed, I put the sheets into the dryer, then head into the kitchen for breakfast. Tien's at the table, muttering something. He hasn't sensed my presence yet, for some reason.  
  
"Tien," I say quietly. He turns around, looking relieved to see me /clothed/ this time. "Hey, I'm sorry I freaked out back there."  
  
He breathes. "I called to you before I came in," he explains.  
  
I laugh nervously. "Yeah, sorry. I guess I didn't hear you because I still had the music playing."  
  
"It's okay."  
  
"Yeah, well.." I pause, causing an awkward silence. I shift in the doorway, then remember that I owe him a shirt. I toss it to him. "Wanna go out to eat?" I pat my pocket, indicating my wallet.  
  
He looks surprised. "Uh. okay." He puts the shirt on.  
  
I notice the plates of eggs that he's made already. "Oh, just leave that," I say, taking the plates and putting them in my nearly empty fridge. "I'll buy breakfast this morning, and then I'll go and get Puar."  
  
He nods.  
  
"You may want to wash your face first," I tell him, pointing to a smudge of something on his cheek. For some reason, he blushes, then heads to the bathroom.  
  
I look around the kitchen after he leaves. I didn't know dishes could /be/ that clean! . I'm almost scared. A quick glance at the living room reveals the same impeccable cleanliness. 'Did he do this during the /night?/' I wonder.  
  
  
  
I feel guilty for breaking his door down. Well. all I did was blow the hinges off. I melt them back into place, making sure the door still swings properly. It does.  
  
There's a black mark on my face. I don't know where it came from, but I think it's just dust. it comes off easily enough.  
  
It strikes me as strange that Yamucha can let something like this go so easily. I'll try to avoid the conversation it may cause.  
  
When I re-enter the hallway, he's staring blankly out the window. "Hey," I call.  
  
He gives himself a shake. "Oh, yeah." He smiles. "Let's get going." We exit the small capsule house, and I wait for him to lock the door. As I begin to lift off the ground, he puts a restricting hand on my shoulder.  
  
"Nope," he says, regarding my confused face. "Not going into town like that." He points to a navy blue hover car just to the side of the house.  
  
"Oh, okay," I say, sounding more stupid by the second. I hop into the thing while he selects a radio station.  
  
"Rock sound okay?" he asks. I nod, wondering what the heck he's talking about. He flashes another smile and pushes a button.  
  
What I'm assuming he calls "music" blares out from black boxes on the inner part of the doors and front of the car. I think I yelled. Or screamed, in a high-pitched tone. /That's/ probably why he's laughing and turning the volume down. 


	4. Return

Sotto wo Onna  
  
Chapter 4: Return  
  
Tien's been acting weird ever since the whole bathroom episode, shifting uncomfortably and not making eye contact. But at least he was more relaxed while we talked about when we were still teens during breakfast. Then, at least, he would look at me.  
  
Some dopey, teenage waitress wouldn't leave us alone. She wasn't attractive./woman-wise/, but I flirted with her a bit anyway to get rid of her. Well, at least /then/ I wouldn't have to leave a larger tip.  
  
He was restless once we got back into the car. I couldn't take it anymore!  
  
"Listen, Tien," I began, catching his attention. "It wasn't that big of a deal. It wasn't like you /meant/ to see me!"  
  
He blushed again. "Yeah, sorry."  
  
I kept my eyes on the road, looking for some place to park. We'd fly the rest of the way. I spotted a fishing port. /There/ was fine.no one was there to see us take off. I parked, and we got out of the car. He still wouldn't look at me.  
  
I wanna beat the crap out of him!  
  
I flew high enough so that I was above him. I kick him down into the water, yelling the most random thing I could thing of: "Kisama hiraishin!!"  
  
~*~  
  
I gasp for air after coming out of the water, hearing him call me a "lightning rod".. The fight escalates when I yell: "Sashimete yarou!" (A/N: "You cold, raw fish without rice!")  
  
He laughs. The distraction is enough for me to get the upper hand. He's quickly caught in a headlock. "Shimatta!" he calls out, struggling in my grasp. I think he tried to punch me in the stomach. Well, if he /did/ try, he missed.  
  
When I finally release him, I'm convinced that I've never seen a more miserable face.  
  
"I despise you," he tells me without any emphasis. He smiles.  
  
I punch him good-naturedly on the arm. "You can redeem yourself by winning a race to Muten-Roshi's place."  
  
Without warning, he kicks off my body and races over the water. "Hey!" I shout. (Yeah, like he's going to stop for /that/.)  
  
I catch up pretty quickly. Something makes me think he's holding back. .Maybe it's the quirky smile I see out of the corner of my eye.  
  
"/ROUGA-FU-FU-KEN/!"  
  
He blasts off even faster than before. /Damn that technique/! "You cheater!" I cry.  
  
He looks back at me and sticks out his tongue. "Hey! Eagles may soar, but weasels never get sucked into jet-engines!"  
  
Well. He has a point..  
  
~*~  
  
"/TAIYO-KEN/!" (A/N: "Fist of the Sun" or "Solar Flare" in Americanized version.)  
  
"Kuso!" I bellow, blinded by the technique I failed to learn. "Tien, you bastard!" I can hear him laugh as he flies past me. /That ass-hole/.  
  
It takes a couple of seconds before I can see again, but when I open my eyes, Tien is nowhere to be seen. /Dammit/!  
  
Within about forty seconds, I catch up with him, and Kame-sennin's place isn't too far away. He looks at me from over his shoulder. "You've slowed down," he claims, still smiling.  
  
"Hardly!" /So close/.  
  
Close enough to grab a hold of his feet and toss him back behind me. "HAH!" I exclaim, but the exclamation is cut short by a bundle of blue fur smacked directly into my face.  
  
"Yamucha!"  
  
"Puar!" I cry, hugging the friend that I've missed so much.  
  
"I win! I win!" Tien called up as he touched down on the island. Chiaotzu exits the house and jumps into Tien's arms. I smile as I attempt to ignore Puar's shouts of joy and watch the two of them. I'd bet the life of Shen Long that there would never be a happier set of people.  
  
After landing, I punch the ass. "Jerk,"  
  
He laughs.  
  
Both Muten-Roshi and Kuririn leave the (ugly) pink house, Kuririn holding his daughter. She' so adorable! And the high forehead she owns is definitely inherited from her father.  
  
"Hey, guys," Kuririn says in that nasally voice of his.  
  
"How are you doing, boys?" Kame-sennin asks as he looks pointedly at me for a moment before Marron squirms out of Kuririn's grasp.  
  
Tien shifts Chiaotzu to one arm and bows to Muten-Roshi. "We are doing very well. Thank you," he says, taking the pressure off of me. I'm grateful.  
  
Marron pulls on my hand, making me look down at her and smile. "I count to six!" she tells me, pointing to Kuririn. "Look!"  
  
Kuririn sighs and bends his knees so that he reaches his daughter's height. "She's been doing this for /weeks/," he confides to e.  
  
Marron pokes the top left dot on his forehead, and continues from left to right: "Ichi, ni, san, yon, go, roku!"  
  
Kuririn smiles nervously while the rest of the audience struggles not to guffaw. "Yes, sweetie, very good. Now, go inside and-"  
  
She counts again. "Ichi, ni, san, yon, go, roku!" she repeats proudly.  
  
Muten-Roshi races inside and returns with a doll of some sort. .At least, that's what I /think/ it is. ...It's missing a limb, and its face is covered in red lipstick. Marron stops counting at yon", and hugs the doll, racing inside. "Thanks," says Kuririn to Muten-Roshi, glaring daggers at the rest of us, daring us to laugh.  
  
I'm /trying/ to hold it in. /Really/, I am, but his head is all red now because she pressed so hard. The rest of us see it too, and, within seconds, Kuririn's face matches his scarlet forehead.  
  
~*~  
  
Kame-sennin invites us in, giving me a towel in the process. (I'm still wet from being tossed into the water.) Chiaotzu sits in my lap after I am seated on the couch. Yamucha sits next to me, Puar smiling and hovering around his head. Kame-sennin requests for Kuririn to allow us to talk in private, which he obliges to, Marron causing trouble elsewhere. He sits across from us, sipping on green tea.  
  
"So," he begins after a prolonged silence, "you took your life into your own hands," he says, regarding Yamucha carefully. Yamucha stiffens. "Don't even try to deny the truth, or attempt to conceal it from me." He taps his temple. "I may be old, but I see beyond what is hidden." He smiles impetuously. "And I can read the events of your past straight from your mind."  
  
Yamucha sighs and rolls up his sleeves, revealing a twin pair of fresh scars. I give the smallest of shudders that only Chiaotzu notices. His eyes search mine for an explanation. I open my mind to him, giving him a telepathic view of Yamucha lying drenched in blood.crimson covering him, seemingly everywhere. He latches tighter to me.  
  
"It's true," Yamucha says. Puar gasps and (I'm pretty sure) faints, landing on the couch. Yamucha puts her in a more comfortable position as he continues.  
  
~*~  
  
"I didn't want to live," I whisper, my cheeks burning slightly in anger. "But I'm okay now," I claim, wanting everyone off my case. "I don't want anyone worrying about me."  
  
Muten-Roshi shakes his head. "I can't do that, my boy," he asserts. "I /do/ worry.it gives me something to do in my old age." He sighs. "And one just doesn't recover from an experience like that in a single day. So, I have reason to be concerned."  
  
"Please, don't." I don't want this conversation to go any further.I'm sure that I'd end up being rude and offending someone.possibly getting my ass kicked. "I'm fine now. Besides," I jerk my head in Tien's general direction, "/he's/ making sure I don't do anything dumb."  
  
The old man leans back into the couch, grinning. "Well, I know that /I/ couldn't have asked for a better guardian." We both look at Tien, who's trying not to blush with pride and embarrassment.  
  
"That's right!" Chiaotzu pipes up. "Tien's the best!" Everyone smiles.  
  
"Very well," Muten-Roshi says. "I won't worry. But I expect to hear from you soon." He snickers, nearly spilling his green tea in the process. "I can't have a fellow bachelor leaving me with no competition!" Had he taken off his glasses, I'm sure he would have been winking.  
  
It's decided that both Chiaotzu and Puar will stay a while longer with Kame- Sennin. We stay the rest of the day, enjoying the company of Kuririn's family thoroughly, Marron still showing off her counting ability. And, somehow, we manage to convince Puar that the conversation was just a dream, and had never occurred. I was fine.  
  
I was fine.  
  
I return home with Tien in tow, the term "bachelor" branded cruelly into my brain. 


	5. Advertisement

Sotto wo Onna  
  
Chapter 5: Advertisement  
  
The next week passed by without many events. I accompanied Yamucha when he went grocery shopping, subconsciously urging him closer to the fruits and vegetables section. And, despite his appearance, he an amazing chef. He surprised me one day (after buying the ingredients) with a large platter of homemade dumplings. They /literally/ melted in my mouth, as he promised they would. I begged him to make them everyday, or at least teach me to concoct the little delicacies of heaven.  
  
He shook his head. "Nope. It's a secret recipe." He suddenly shut both of his eyes and shielded his forehead with his hands.  
  
"What are you doing?" I asked, completely puzzled by his actions.  
  
"You can't read minds, can you?"  
  
I grinned wickedly. "When you see me making these exactly the way you do, then you'll have your answer."  
  
He dropped his defenses. "No, really.can you?" I shrugged.  
  
"I guess I could if I tried."  
  
So, for the last while, he's been trying to keep me relaxed enough to /not/ try anything. Guess who's been eating dumplings for three days?  
  
~*~  
  
Care for an account of my grocery-shopping day with Tien? Prepare yourself:  
  
Alright, it started off normally enough: he and I separated for a while, each getting the items on a list we came up with earlier, and agreeing to meet within a half-hour. The half-hour came and went, and we met with our carts full (Tien's laden down with any vegetables he could find, it seemed) and we paid at the register.  
  
Oya Kami-sama, the bagger scared me.  
  
~*~  
  
Oya Kami-sama, those two guys were hot! I put their groceries into bags hoping that samples of DNA would catch on my hands, and wishing I had a cloning device. The shorter one with thick black hair I was more attracted to. Then I realized something odd: the two guys were shopping /together/. I smiled, whispering to my cashiering friend, "Hot, kinky, /gay/ monkey-sex!" She slapped my arm, making me giggle.  
  
The taller, bald one suddenly looked at me carefully, giving me the horrible impression that he could either read minds, or had heard what I said. Neither of which (I assumed) he could have done. The third eye (that didn't bother me as much as the cashier) blinked.  
  
Anyways, I was the one who started up a conversation. "So, have you two seen [insert latest movie here] yet?" I asked them, smiling sweetly. "I heard that it was pretty good."  
  
The one with hair answered, flashing a smile at me. "Naw.haven't had time to catch a movie lately."  
  
I'm positive that I batted my eyes at him. "Well, if you're not busy later, maybe you and I could see it together today. I'm off work in about ten minutes."  
  
The bald one with three eyes solidified. "Can't," the hairy one claimed. "I'm pretty busy."  
  
"You?" I asked the other one. He shook his head and declined politely. I shrugged.  
  
The cashier laughed. "It's probably for the best anyway." She elbowed me in the ribs. "You'd be pretty surprised once you got /this/ one in the sack!"  
  
At this point, their bags were filled, and they had no reason to stay. They paid, blushed at the cashier's last remark, and left. I punched her. "You /cow/! What'd you do /that/ for?!"  
  
She giggled. "Did you see them? You came on too strong.you scared them! The bald guy must've been peeing his pants!"  
  
I /humphed/ and tossed my hair back. "Yeah, well, he wouldn't have been like that once he got to know me."  
  
She shot me a look. "No, I think that /that/ would have made it worse."  
  
~*~  
  
I breathe again once I'm back in Yamucha's capsule house with the doors locked. Something about that one girl bothered me, and not just how forward she was. "Yamucha?" I ask, getting up from the couch to help put the groceries away.  
  
"Mm-hm?"  
  
"Did you notice something /weird/ about that girl? You know.the one with the longer hair?" I pass him a package of ramen. He puts it away, commenting on the price of items that used to be so cheap. .He's purposely changing the subject. "Uh, I asked you a question.."  
  
The corners of his mouth tremor slightly, trying not to break into a direct smile. He shuts a cupboard door, and turns to me. "Tien, do you know what a transvestite is?" I shake my head, compelling him to view me in (what looks to be) shock. "Shojiki ni?" ((*"Honestly?"*)) I nod. /Now/ the smile comes out. "Oya, Kami! Anata wa sento aru seken no aranami kara mamorareta!" (("Dear God! You lead a sheltered life!"))  
  
"Tsumari de nai kohei na," I claim, frustrated. "It's not /my/ fault I don't know all of this!"  
  
He holds his smile in place and says softly: "It's a guy who dresses as a woman.with a /women's/ body-parts, if you know what I mean. Sometimes they have both."  
  
When I remember to inhale, it's in deep, long gasps; I've held my breath for so long. "Ano wa iyana!" ((*"That's disgusting!"*))  
  
He bobs his head vigorously. "Yeah, but some guys do that to themselves, though I don't know why."  
  
I give an inward shudder. "Is that even /legal/?" That makes us both laugh, but he doesn't answer, so I assume it /isn't/ legal. (I'll pray for those guys when they die.) To take my permanently scarred mind from the subject, I singly quietly to myself:  
  
"Yama hansha suru sono taiyo wo akarui,  
  
Netsuretsu na aijo no naka ni watashi no shinzo eien ni.  
  
Hogo kara fukohei ma zaiaku,  
  
Watashi kokyo ni wo yuki watashi wa inokoru."  
  
((A/N: No, no translation for you.if you really wanna know what it means, I may post it in the next chapter! ^^ ))  
  
"That song suits you," Yamucha says suddenly. "Where'd you learn that?"  
  
"Chiaotzu and I made it up. The tune is from an old lullaby someone taught him, and we made up words because he couldn't remember them."  
  
He smiles. "'Protection from in justice and evil'.. I guess, but I think that those two things n particular have a way of finding everyone."  
  
I impulsively have an idea, and fill a glass halfway with water. I hold it out to him. "Is it half-full, or half-empty?"  
  
He grabs the glass from my hand and drinks the entire thing. "Completely empty," he answers. I roll my eyes, making him beam. "But it /was/ half- full." I nod, proceeding to put the rest of the groceries away. "What was /that/ for?"  
  
"I was just wondering whether or not you were a /hikanshugisha/ ((*/pessimist/*))." I shrug. "I thought you weren't."  
  
"You're still worried if I'm going to try to kill myself again, aren't you?" his voice is very low, and when I look up at his face, he's out of it.eyes enameled. He looks as if he's looking out the window for something to grab a hold of; something to pull him back to this planet. "Tien, I hate feeling weak. /I/ didn't try to kill me. /Weakness/ did."  
  
~*~  
  
It /was/ weakness. Weakness is what kept me from getting married.having a stable relationship.with /anyone/. It kept me from even /walking/ in 500 times Earth's gravity, whereas Vegeta was doing push-ups on a single finger in it! My lungs felt like they had collapsed. Breathing was next to impossible. And I'm not even talking about the gravity.  
  
/Trunks/. And the whole process of how he came to be. Oya, Kami! How could she even touch that filthy pig of a person?! /VEGETA/! Not only had he killed Tien, Chiaotzu, Piccolo, and me but he's also rude, spoiled, and- there's not even a word for how I feel. Find something that makes your fingers curl into fists or wrap around someone's neck and twist, and /that's/ the word I'm looking for to explain it.  
  
I check my eyes to see if I've been crying. No, but I'm on the verge of it. "I'm going to bed," I tell Tien, and I saunter into my bedroom, where three hidden bottles of /sake/ are waiting to comfort me.  
  
~*~  
  
I know he's piss drunk at this point. I can smell the alcohol from 10 meters away, even with the door closed. /Let/ him get drunk. He'll fall asleep, wake up with a hangover, and hopefully forget why he became drunk in the first place.  
  
An hour passes and, contrary to the belief among my friends, I /am/ human, and I /do/ get bored. So I find a baseball lodged in the couch and go outside to play.  
  
The game's not as fun without someone to play with, or knowing the rules. So, instead of an authentic baseball game, I train. Apart from being able to duplicate into copies of myself, I am also able to (for a short time) duplicate objects. Within minutes, I've made three new baseballs, and I'm dodging them easily as they attack me. I find myself smiling, as the three become a single ball again. "Well, of /course/ it's easy. I already know where they're going to go because I'm controlling them.'  
  
I only just realize I've been flying. "KUSO!"  
  
I pray to Kami that no one saw me. I land back on the grass.  
  
"Oi! Ojii-san!" ((*"Hey! Mister!"*))  
  
/'Bai no kuso/'! (('*Double-crap!*'))  
  
"Uh, yeah?" I answer, looking at the person who called to me. "Can I help you?"  
  
"You can if you're interested in being in part of our performance," he answers. A yokatta! ((*Thank god!*)) He didn't see me fly!  
  
"Well, I'm not that great of an actor," I tell him.  
  
He smiles. "Maybe that's what you /say/, but I think that you've done a pretty good act of innocence for the past minute!" He winked. "Don't worry, I didn't /see/ anything! Here!"  
  
He hands me a pamphlet, with a lot of colourful visuals and writings. "Uh, arigatou," I tell him as he starts to walk off.  
  
"You may not want to try out, but you may want to come see us any ways! Ja ne!" He waves and heads off to find more actors (I guess).  
  
".Kimyo na.." ((*Weird.*)) I go back inside, as it's getting late any way. I open the pamphlet once I find a good light source:  
  
WANTED: Any willing individuals wishing to fill the minor but important roles in a play (MacBeth) airing in 3 to 4 months. We are looking for Lady MacBeth, King Duncan, the gatekeeper, and one of the three Witches. (Gender- switching may occur in roles.) We are not looking for talent.talent comes in many forms, and we have professional actors willing to work with new actors! What we/ are/ looking for, however, are a strong character, a strong voice, and a strong iron will to achieve and do. (Yes, we are aware of the strength involved.) Also, we're hoping you'll have fun! So.please do!  
  
I smile, and slip the pamphlet under Yamucha's bedroom door, thankful for the angel that gave it to me. 


	6. Ecstasy

(A/N: I'm hyped up on Samurai Jack, as well as Hamlet. Don't hurt me. Be glad I'm adding any more to this. I LOVE this story.  
  
This chapter title is NOT based on the drug or sex. "Ecstasy" in Shakespeare's time meant "madness".  
  
I'm sorry, but something weird happened to the formatting of this fic, so I had to re-do the entire thing! I'm sorry to those who liked the story and reviewed.they are now all gone! I apologize for the computer's insubordination.  
  
Whatever THAT means.  
  
Ciao!)  
  
Sotto wo Onna  
  
Chapter 6-Ecstasy  
  
CRAP, hangovers suck! Ouch. My head just met the floor and they're not getting along too well. DAMMIT! It's rare when I wake up with three sake bottles accompanying my pillows (heck, it's rare when ANYONE'S accompanying my pillows these days), but it's not a welcome sight. It usually means that I've tried to forget something. Something BAD must have happened to make both my brain and my liver require three bottles of sake.  
  
I DO remember once when I woke up like this: my temples gaining rhythm as they pound an annoying song against my skull. An unfamiliar song. That time, it was 'cause I hated my weak-knees around women. Puar insisted on me seeing a doctor, or taking some sort of medication to ease my headache. "C'mon, Yamucha," she bid quietly, trying not to add to the pain beating at my head. "You'll feel better after." I ended up passing out again with an ice pack bedding on my forehead. (It was probably for the best anyway.what if the doctor I had to see was a GIRL?!)  
  
Excuse me while I steel myself up to go to the bathroom. One.two.THREE! HUAGH! Come on, Yamucha! You can do it! Up, up, and AWAY! Sha-ZAAM! Aaaany second now. Heeeeeere we go. NOW! Let's GO! NOW! HWAH!  
  
Ow. Even THINKING about movement hurts. Well, I must have managed SOME activity, 'cause the **clink** of the sake bottles hitting the carpeted floor together maximize ten-fold in my brain. In a way, I feel almost super- human.  
  
SUPER-SONIC-EARS-HANGOVER-MAN!  
  
Then again, what could HE do to save the day?  
  
Eventually, I make it out of my bedroom, stomach heaving, and saunter, into the living room with the grace and agility of a pregnant cow. Tien's wasted his efforts in trying to keep the place clean. As I'm throwing up all over the floor, he's gaping at me in surprise.  
  
"You didn't even eat THAT much," he comments, grimacing at the mess. "Do you want an aspirin or something?"  
  
I shake my head, spreading the vomit across my face and the disorientation in my head. "Well, maybe I do," I say sheepishly, cradling my head in my hands. Tien has already prepared some ginseng tea this morning. He pours it out slowly. As I watch, I'm fascinated by the fluidity of the tea. (Well DUH! It's TEA!) But something about it is calming and hypnotic. And the way it sounds as it hits the bottom of the teacup is soothing. For some odd reason, the sound of tea pouring into tea makes me smile. I DON'T KNOW WHY! It's just funny!  
  
~*~  
  
He's smiling at something. I don't think that he's still drunk, but at this moment, he looks like it. "What's so amusing?" I ask, pouring myself some tea.  
  
"Listen to the way it sounds," he responds, angling his head so he can hear MY cup. "It just sounds like the tea is laughing or something. I just enjoy the sound."  
  
I guess it IS amusing.  
  
If you're hungover.  
  
"So," I begin, "what, besides ruining the floor with the contents of your stomach, do you plan on doing today?"  
  
He smiles at me. "That's about the extent of my day plan, actually." I toss him some paper towels to clean up the mess on the floor. "Ugh," he moans, "don't make me bend over. My head is killing me." He drops the towels onto the ground and uses his feet to wipe it up. "Hey, remember when we were training under King Kai?"  
  
"When we were dead?"  
  
He grins, scooping the mess into one pile. "Yeah. Those were the days, huh?" I nod, psychically picking up the goopy filth and tossing it into the trash. "Well, remember when he was too lazy to make anything for himself, and YOU made that awesome dish, and then YOU didn't have to do ANYTHING that day?"  
  
"Well, I did the exercises anyway, but, yeah, I remember."  
  
"Make that," he commands.  
  
"WHAT?! NO!"  
  
"Why not?"  
  
The logic of a hung-over moron astounds me. I shrug, sigh, and prepare for the preparation of the meal.  
  
~*~  
  
I'm not even hungry. I just want Tien to focus on something other than me. For some reason, I want him to be in an apron while he cooks. Apart from horribly embarrassing him, he'd look positively CUTE!  
  
Now THERE'S an adjective that hasn't crossed my mind in a while. "Tien?" He slows in his stirring of eggs and rice to acknowledge me. "Do you think that Bulma was beautiful?"  
  
~*~  
  
His question catches my breath within my throat. What brought THIS on? His question gets me thinking about his recent suicide.  
  
Wait.  
  
I should probably answer this REALLY carefully. He might think that I've been secretly sleeping with her or something. I HAVEN'T, but all the same, I don't want to answer in a way that will get my ass beaten. How am I supposed to answer this?  
  
"Why do you say 'was'?"  
  
(A/N: Hopefully, if I can get my scanner working, I'll show you people the recent pic I drew of Tien in his "Winter Ensemble"-that's the picture is called. It's REALLY cute! He's wearing a winter pancho with a little pine tree on it!  
  
WAAAAAIIIIIIII!!!! So kawaii!  
  
Ja ne! ~~Fukushuu ^_^ ) 


End file.
